Just thinking...

Life is a very tricky thing. With so many obstacles, and different directions you can go. Right now I'm sort of stuck in this scared path. and I have no idea where to go from here. I WANT to go to school so bad in Aug. and I want to go to school for Chemical Technician. The thing is, I'm scared. I need to get my financial aid filled out but I can't b/c my mom doesn't know what i need and she doesn't even have all her papers from her taxes. it's so bad. I can't pay for it out of my own pocket. I don't have that kind of money. I really don't so i can't go to school... but that means one thing... on September 11th 2008 i will be one of the many young adults with out health insurance. Meaning if i get sick i will be fucked. If i get hurt i'm fucked. I need a new car soon... mine isn't going to cut it much longer and it's like i can't afford a decent car, and even if i get a car loan there is no way in hell at $8 an hour would I be able to get pay off a car loan a school loan and my own car insurance policy and Gas. i'm not sure how to handle this all. I have always dreamed of going to College but the more i think about it, It's not me. I don't feel like I belong there. *SiGhS*

I don't know really. When i think about my future i don't see me as something good. To be honest, I don't see me in the future. You know with a family and a house. I don't know how to explain it. I'm feeling like I'm falling apart. and i'm not sure how to fix it. I'm trying to become more mature but I'm becoming over whelmed. I'm trying not to show it... but i don't know how much longer i can keep doing it. I'm trying to pay for my own shit, but it's like i still want to have money i can spend on me... i really do... Huh... i'm just so over whelmed and when it comes to driving I get really scared in really stressful situations. I keep thinking i'm going to mess up and then i start thinking the worst...huh idk it's all very complicated ....